On The Blessedness Of The Will

We are immersed in watery Pisces right now, both Sun and Moon, while at the same time the world seems to be on fire, as signified by the card I pulled for this New Moon, the 2 of Wands: Dominion. This meeting of opposites can be deeply harrowing to experience. Like matter and antimatter coming together, a great deal of energy can be released when the extreme poles of the elements come together. But it is also in the reconciliation and synthesis of opposites that the Great Work is born. In Water we receive flowing impressions from the worlds without and within us, while in Fire we experience our own hungry desires and passionate inspirations and ache to act upon them in the world. That special location where the two meet is a place where magick can begin, and so it is this place that I am moved to speak upon today, that place within each of us where Fire and Water come together.

I am moved today to speak upon the will.

The magus Aleister Crowley famously defined magick as “the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will”, and I will admit to being quite attached to this definition. The vagueness that allows this definition to fit any willed act that causes change is sometimes criticized as a flaw, but I deeply disagree…this is exactly where the definition shines. Our own wills, our internal motivations for our choices brought into manifestation in the world through our acts, are fundamentally mysterious. Why do we want what we want? Why are we moved by the things which move us? What is the origin of the phenomenon I call “resonance” in my work on philosophy of magick, that inexplicable sense of meaning and importance which leads us, as mages and mystics, to pursue particular traditions, establish relationships with particular entities, and engage in certain practices over others? Scientists have tried to explain our motivations in terms of biology and psychology, but have largely been frustrated in their attempts to explain the will in any satisfying way. We continue to surprise ourselves and each other as our choices and motivations seem to well up within us from someplace that is hidden from our introspection and from outside observation.

Thus the will, that of ourselves or that of others, is fundamentally mysterious. We are all full of motivations for our actions and choices that are simply unexplainable. Why do I prefer pastries to candy? Both are sweet, but only the pastries are right for me. Why do I prefer the music of Maynard Keenan to that of Beyoncé? Both are excellent songwriters and performers, but only one of them makes my head and heart go ping in that special way that is so important to our engagement with art. Some people want to explain the mystery of will in terms of the Fates, astrology, reincarnation, the will of the Divine, the Thelemic “true” or “pure” will, and so on, but these are all just stories we tell ourselves to explain things. The will itself is what is actually real. The will is what actually exists.

The will is mysterious, but we can come to know it. The key, as in so many things, is in relationship. How do we come to understand others? By entering into right relationship with them. We get to know them. We do the work. We put in the time and energy. If we would understand our own wills, we must do the same with ourselves. For some of us, this can be difficult. The more we look ourselves in the eye, the more we are forced to see, and seeing can be hard. Learning about ourselves can be painful. We are changed by what we see, so the very act of trying to understand ourselves, of trying to trace the ligaments and sinews of our own will, makes us different. Makes us more than what we were. Nonetheless, we must make this journey if we wish to know ourselves. We must learn to look ourselves in the eye.

This is not to suggest that we should become self-conscious and require from ourselves “rational” or “principled” justifications for our wills. As William Blake observed in his seminal poem “Auguries Of Innocence”:

“If the Sun and Moon should doubt,
They’d immediately go out”

When we question why we love a particular person or even a particular song, when we try to logically explain our innate motivations, when we try to answer the question “what am I living for?” in any terms other than those of life itself, we fall into error. We fall into misery. We miss the mark. The correct answer is always “because it is what I choose to do”. The correct answer is always “because it is who I am”. The correct answer is always “because it is my will”.

Of course, the boundaries of ethics apply to how we live out our wills. Part of right relationship with others is respecting their wills, and when we live in community with others, whether that community is a family, a magickal tradition, or a country, right relationship must include a recognition that our own wills are bound up with and affect the wills of others. In order to do right by ourselves, we have to do right by others.

So let us enter into right relationship with ourselves and with others. Let us hold our own hands and bear ourselves up in our trials and tribulations. Let us come to look ourselves in the eye and take responsibility for our own desires and choices.

Let us do our wills.

Blessed New Moon, dear siblings.

In love,

Soror Alice

Art: Odilon Redon, “The Flame (Goddess Of Fire)”, (1896)